April 1 is possibly the funniest day of the year, and like every other year since seemingly before time began, it’s time for executives in corporations all over to loosen ties, kick off shoes, and get down to the serious business of being amusing.
The result? More hilarity than an entire bag of Steve Martins, comedy more sophisticated than Abbot and Costello, and as many “product” launches as ten CES shows in a row. That’s right, it’s April Fools’ Day, and we can barely stop laughing to type these opening paragraphs. We’re so thankful it only takes place once a year, because paying more than once to have our sides stitched back together would be financially ruinous.
Here are our favorite April Fools Day jokes for 2019
Roku Press Paws
Roku has got a remote control designed to make it easier for pets to take control of the TV. Actually quite amusing, Roku gets a point for various excellent puns, and many points of cute pets in its video — a surefire winner for April Fools’ Day — and also for the bark-to-play and bark-to-mute controls. There’s even a sub-WOOF-er inside. Puntastic, Roku.
I admit it. I laughed when T-Mobile CEO John Legere closed the door to the BoothE and we couldn’t hear what he said, and when his trademark swearing was beeped out at the end of the video. That’s more than most gags manage on April 1, so congratulations to T-Mobile. The BoothE, in case you’re bothered, is a phone booth to isolate you from the sounds of the world so you can use your phone in peace. Stopped being funny now, didn’t it?
Caulk Alternative Milk
FreshDirect, the online grocery delivery service, gets April Fools’ right by lampooning a trend that’s begging for it — the alternative milk business. FreshDirect’s answer is Caulk, a non-milk product made from cauliflower. Best part? The voiceover says it’s like, “Clouds that have been pureed.” Genius.
No, not the Passport, the Pastport. A 90s themed trim level for Honda’s latest SUV, it brings back all those awesome 90s car details including a cassette player, a single button on the steering wheel, and a holder for your pager. Our favorite part? The commercial has been shot in 4:3 aspect ratio for playback on a good, old standard television.
Burping. That’s funny, right? No, not really. How about when you burp … in space? Hilarious! Well, the answer is still no; but that’s the “science,” behind the SodaStreamMe, a product designed with astronaut Scott Kelly, who has now taught April Fools Gaggers everywhere that the almost impossible is possible. The SodaStreamMe is supposedly a device for the Earthbound to collect their burps into sparkling water. Yep, went down like a fart in a space suit for us too.
Tinder Height Verification
— Tinder (@Tinder) March 29, 2019
Dating app Tinder hasn’t come out and said this is a joke, but we’re confident it is. In an effort to avoid being “height fished,” the app will add an HVB (that’s Height Verification Badge) to profiles where it has authenticated height claims. Daters will have to submit a photo of themselves standing next to a commercial building, and Tinder’s algorithms will work out if the claim is accurate. Yeah, definitely a joke.
RadFit Electric Stationary Bike
The RadFit is a stationary bike with an electric motor, that does the workout so you don’t have to. There are wheels on the frame, so you can take it anywhere, even to spin class. Rad Power, which makes ebikes, says it’s a response to those who call electric bikes are, “cheating,” which it doesn’t believe is true. So it has made one that actually is cheating.
JBL PartyBox 300
Using new Avocaudio technology, JBL has upgraded its massive PartyBox 300 so that only Millennials can hear it. Those under 35 years old, even when standing right next to the speaker, will be unaware if it’s playing at all. Except when a Millennial is dancing, as the cringey video shows.
Kingfisher Instant Beer
Beer, for all its benefits, is difficult to carry and store in quantity. This is(n’t) Kingfisher Instant Beer. There are two packets — the beer powder, and a carbonated water powder packet — inside the easy-to-carry box. Open them up and add to chilled water, for an any-time-any-where beer party. Ridiculous, but we bet there are people out there who would love this to be a real product.
After we’ve recovered from collating so much corporate amusement, we’ll be adding to this list throughout the day, so check back later for more.